Times my mind says "No!"

Most days I'm happy and want to talk to people. I'm usually a social and ourgoing person, but there are other times. Some days I just feel awful. I feel like everything around and inside me screems no! This is not fun. Why do I feel this way, some days?

It has a lot to do with the previous days and that night. How was the days leading up to today? How did I sleep this night? If I'm awake in the middle of the night my mind tends to spirol into dark thoughts. Many of the thoughts from my darkest periods return. Nothing in my mind seem positive. 

When most people say hello to me, except for my best friends, I just want to reply to them with "No!" Or "Not today!" Usually I try to talk to them and stay nice and polite. I'm not always able to do this, but I know it can help to just talk with people. If some of my friends say hello I tell them straight away how I feel. This tends to help me. These friends are people I know I can talk to about everything. My best friends always know how I am. I tell them everything and they are not afraid to vare or disagree with what I say.

There are times when people say hello and I'm unable to be nice. It has happened I just say I'm not in a mood to talk. Most people respect this and stay away. Some people just goes on like everything is normal, and this makes my mood even worse. They don't acknowledge how I feel. They do not seem to care. If I say this to my best friends they ask me what's wrong and makes me open up. This is the best medicibe. At times I don't know why I feel like this, but by opening up to my best friends the reason comes to light. 

A hug from a friend always help's. If I have told a friend of mine about my dark rhoughts and they reply by giving me a hug, there are two things that may happen. I might smile. This sign of affection makes me smile. A hug show's me you like me and that we are close enough for you to embrace me. The other thing that may happen is I might start to cry. This is because I feel safe. I feel i can let my feelings out. If I start crying it is not negative to you. It's a release. A release of what was trapped inside of me. I need to get it out so thank you!


Talking, music, a movie, good food are things that may help me, but what is the most helpful is talking and a close embrace.

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