Anxiety

I suffer from social anxiety, as well as general anxiety at times. It is terrible. I know I have no reason to be afraid, but when it is present I can't control it. It can be triggered by many different things. It doesn't always make sense, what triggers it. 

When my anxiety is here I do not dare to make sounds. I can't put on some music or anything like that. I almost don't even dare to take a shower. This is because the sound's distort my echo location. I'm also scared the sounds will attract whatever scares me at the present point of time. 

Yesterday I was triggered by a commercial on youtube. I skipped the commercial as soon as possible, but it was enough. It didn't take more to release my anxiety. I just ate as quickly as I could begore laying in bed, shivering. If I for some reason I had to leave the bed I ran with my heart in my throat. I had problems breathing as well as elevated heart rate. 

This anxiety is easier on me now, but it's still there. I'm not free from it. I still have to keep quiet and pay attention, but I am able to write this which is a huge step forward from yesterday. Later today I'm meeting people and I think this will make the anxiety go away for now. 

As I mentioned I suffer from social anxiety. This is mainly if I meet new people, one on one. It's not as bad if I meet several new people at once. When I meet people alone I feel a pressure to be better than what I am. I have a constant fear of doing something wrong and not being accepted. I know this is nothing to be scared of, but in these situations it is out of my control.

There are certain times my social anxiety is completely gone. This is when I practice or teach Martial Arts or self defence. When I do this my mindset is ebtirely different. I'm in a different state of mind. I'm in my element. I love Martial Arts and self-defence. I also have no issue talking to large crowds. There has been a few times I've been hired in to talk to crowds about me, my story and what Martial Arts and physival excersice has done for me. 


When my anxiety is at t's worse I try to contact friends of mine. Either by chat or by phone. This may help. Just to know someone knows I exist and what I'm going through then and there. I'm extremely grateful to know many wonderful people, all over the world who I can send a message to if I need.

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